A Room of My Own

"A woman must have money and a room of her own if she is to write fiction." --Virginia Woolf



In the daytime my room is mine. In the daytime it is the best room in the world.

There is a space between my bed and my bookshelf that is the perfect size for my yoga mat. My bookshelf is overflowing with old journals, books I read when I was a kid, books I read in school, books from my favorite authors, and books I'm almost sure I'll get around to reading one day.

On the other side of my bed is a piano, my chair, my table, candles and incense burners, the CD player I still use instead of an i-pod, my jewelry and figurines, the tea cabinet I bought on etsy, and the china shelf my dad made for his mom when he was a twelve year old boy scout.

My closet is a walk-in, big enough for all my clothes, my "desk" (also known as the dresser I keep my paperwork on), and the kitchen I made with an Ikea shelf, a hotplate, a toaster oven, and half a dozen brass hooks.

In the daytime my room is a haven, filled to the brim with all the things I love. Here I write and study and cook and dabble with music while drinking too much tea and nibbling carrots and biscuits.

At night it is a prison.

Not every night and not just because my mom comes home in the evening and watches PBS and ABC in her half of the room. Not just because I wonder what she will say if she ever notices my copy of "Seasons of Witchery" on my shelf or the Pride button on my book bag. Not just because there is no door on the shower and I feel like an animal on display as I get ready for bed.


There is something about darkness that wakes up the mind. Your body is still and suddenly . . . you don't know things anymore. Everything you spend all day pretending in order to keep yourself from going insane disappears. The promise that everything will be all right in the end, the assurance that you are on the right path, your mental list of what you have to do next because . . . because . . . well because you are supposed to aren't you? At night you are left with a gaping hole of blackness in your mind, hungry to be filled with anything that passes by.

Some nights I fill it with wondering if I will ever leave home, how much longer my mom will be able to keep up with the house payments, if anyone will ever read my books, or if I will ever write anything as beautiful and haunting and lasting as John Keats or Lloyd Alexander or the Bronte sisters.

When that doesn't cheer me up enough I wonder what will happen to me after I die and if I would live forever if I could. I become angry with sexists and homophobes and the people who write bad television. I remember how much I hate my job and how boring and unoriginal most of my concerns are.

My room is not a prison. The true vault is inside my mind but I would not escape it if I could because almost smothered in all the dark thoughts are a few lingering glimmers that are invisible by daylight. Memories and emotions that would never be invoked if I let my mind stay in it's business-only state of daytime busyness.

It is at night that I touch Woodworth's "Still, sad music of humanity". It is at night that I feel most alive. It is at night that my mind becomes my own.

. . . I've Been Thinking . . .

. . . of self publishing my next project (Snow Roses).

I haven't decided for sure yet but the prospect of tackling everything myself is exhilerating (and absolutely petrifying).

I'm only three chapters into the first draft at the moment so there is plenty of time for me to decide but I'm leaning heavily towards the idea. I'm just not sure I want a bunch of editers fingering my book, telling me what to tweak to make it more mainstream. And I'm tired of worrying about what might or might not impress or offend agents. I just want to write stories.

Of course, going through all the leg work of editing, re-editing, re-re-editing, copy-editing, re-re-re-copyediting, formating, re-formating, and *shudder* marketing on my own won't leave me time to "just" write but, even if it turns out to be one big disaster at least it will be my disaster. At least I would be active instead of sitting around waiting and hoping like a princess trapped in tower.

Maybe.

Maybe. But I'm leaning heavily towards yes.

Confessions of a Sales Associate on Black Friday

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Happy Thanksgiving

Every story has as many versions as it has characters. I don't usually like to say much on here with too strong of political bent, but as you celebrate Thanksgiving tomorrow I would like you to challenge the myth of the cozy pilgrims and "Indians" working together in harmony.

Some of them might have. I am sure there were friendships as well as violence because people are complex individuals and not the blanket societies we learn about in history books. But don't forget that the pilgrims were invaders. They may have been more peaceful than some of the other settles but they were still fighting a kind of war over the land. Some of the natives may have genuinely wished them well but just as many were afraid of them. And regardless of what the feelings were at the time, the supposed harmony of that harvest celebration we colored so many pictures of in the class room didn't last very long. We have the rest of history to prove that.

Myths have power. Most of them come from a grain of truth but they can control the way we think about things if we let them. I could never object to a holiday that celebrates food, family, and thankfulness (especially the food), but I don't think we should be unaware of the stories we tell about it. Please don't forget. Not everyone in that story had a happy ending.

And have a very happy Thanksgiving

If Music Be the Food of Love . . .

I'm sure it's been done before but for my current WIP instead of writing a traditional outline I wrote a playlist. I've been wanting to do that for a long time but usually I have so many characters to manage that it gets hard to keep a playlist on track and even harder to follow it from plot point to plot point. Snow Roses turned out to be the perfect book for this kind of outline because:

1) It's written in *gasp* first person so I have a limited viewpoint for the songs (Meaning I can't say "This song works for the villain and this one works for the main character's little brother and this one works for the stable hand and . . . " it gets hard to focus on plot once that I start doing that)

2) It's a romance. Whatever the external events the main focus needs to be on inner emotions. Songs are good for outlining the progression of inner emotions.

I have a basic list of things that need to happen in the order they need to happen in too, of course, but I'm hoping the playlist will help me with the pacing. One chapter per song. No exceptions. (Well we'll see. Sticking to outlines has never been my strong point)

Here are a couple of the songs from the list:





Do you ever use music to inspire or guide your writing?

A Fist Full of Poesy

Apocalypse

Thick walls resist the flames of outward heat
While ashen coals wither to dust inside.
An empty tomb, void of human carcass,
Locked in the iron caress of silence.
A tuneless dirge rots to a molten beat.
White-hot screams and fire wrenched joys subside.
A mound of flesh lurches with lifelessness,
Blind to the flicker of unmet brilliance.
Terror holds sunlight safe in the darkest deep,
Hidden from noise, robbed of the cause to weep.


Mantra

Sun shimmers in a gentle, blinding scorch.
I lay my soul bare against the earth's core,
Extracting strength from the coils of life.
I reach for the vast distance of the stars,
Holding my being as an inner torch.
Joys and sorrows ebb against my heart's shore.
As I release relentless strains of strife.
My song is your song, pock-riddled with scars.
Renewed with wisdom, embalmed for death,
I embrace the forever flow of breath.


Resilience

Brittle bones shook at the threat of your bite
Hollow heart screeched with fear of the wild
Sallow skin faded, fondled and caressed
By finger-soft fetters made from your dust.

Water hardens in wake of winter's night.
A giant grows in place of ghost child,
Stretched taunt inside the height of her proudest
Death and fueled with fumes of molded lust.

Yesterday's yearnings slacken to finite
Remembrances. Cold. Lifeless. Defiled.
You severed your soul from my bleating chest,
I am free from the creaking aches of rust.

Poisoned morrow molds to an iron will,
Blackened by sorrow, trained to hunt and kill.

The Next Big Thing Blog Hop

Chattering about my current WIP? Forcing fellow bloggers to tell me about theirs? Sounds like fun to me! Thank you Erin Kane Spock for the tag!

What is your working title of your book?
Snow Roses. It's a darker take on the fairy tale Snow White and Rose Red. In this version they aren't sisters and I'm integrating elements from the Grimm Brothers' other Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, and Little Red Riding Hood into it.

Where did the idea come from for the book?
I've had the story of Snow White and Rose Red in the back of my mind for awhile. I thought maybe the characters would show up in a version of Kate Crackernut or Jack the Giant Killer that I'd been toying with if I ever got around to starting them. Then one night I was discussing fairy tales with my mom and sister and . . . the pieces just starting spinning together. Two girls hiding together in a haunted wood. The secrets they discover about their past and future and how each thread connects to the others. I had to start writing it all down.


What genre does your book fall under?
Young Adult Fantasy Romance --which surprised me, given the current popularity of that genre. I'm not usually a trend follower.

Which actors would you choose to play your characters in a movie rendition?

Snow would be Christina Ricci

and Rose would be Rose Byrne

What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book?
I haven't polished one yet but I suppose now is as good a time as any to start working on one. Let's see . . . Snow and Rose find comfort, cocooned together in the darkness of a haunted wood, but the witch Lucille has never stopped hunting for either of them.

Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency?
Who knows but I will certainly shoot for an agency.

How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript?
I'm only a couple chapters in. I started in July then took a break to edit my other manuscript. So far I've done more pre-writing than actual drafting.

What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?
Maybe Juliette Marillier's Heart's Blood? I won't know for sure until I'm finished.

Who or what inspired you to write this book?
When I was six years old I checked out a version of Cinderella from the library in which the stepsisters cut off parts of their feet so that they could fit into Cinderella's slipper. The prince recognized them as imposters when he saw blood dripping onto the ground. At six this disturbed me but it was also more interesting than the Disney version with the cute little mice and clearly defined villains. Since then I've read a lot of fairy tales. The older, darker versions have always resonated with me more strongly and I've wanted to explore a retelling of my own for quite some time.

What else about your book might pique the reader’s interest?
Ghosts. Werewolves. Enchanted princes. Jealous lovers. Revenge. Secrets of birth. Stolen kingdoms. Witchcraft. Evil queens. Knife fights. All that good stuff.

Here's the hard part -- Tag, you're it! (only if you want to, that is)
Misha Gericke - My First Book
Stephanie Thornton
Wise Herb's Random Jottings
S.L. Stevens - Scroll of a Modern Scribe
L.G. Smith - Bards and Prophets

Rules for The Next Big Thing Blog Hop:

***Use this format for your post
***Answer the ten questions about your current WIP (work in progress)
***Tag five other writers/bloggers and add their links so we can hop over and meet them.

Ten Interview Questions for the Next Big Thing:
What is your working title of your book?
Where did the idea come from for the book?
What genre does your book fall under?
Which actors would you choose to play your characters in a movie rendition?
What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book?
Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency?
How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript?
What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?
Who or what inspired you to write this book?
What else about your book might pique the reader’s interest?
Include the link of who tagged you and this explanation for the people you have tagged.