On Selling One's Soul

I was recently looking at a book I wanted to buy on Amazon (yes that book) and saw next to the hard copy price "Also available on e-book" with another, lower, price next to it. I shuddered. I don't think its any secret that I don't like e-books or those little things with buttons that hold them --Oh how I hate buttons --but I'm not against them. If you want to paint your house pink with olive green pansies on it go ahead. I don't understand it or like to look at it but so long as you don't paint MY house pink with olive green pansies I'm not going to complain. At least not that much. But when I was staring at those words "Also available on e-book" I wondered something. Will my books be "also available on e-book"? MINE? I didn't like the idea but I doubted I would have any luck explaining to an agent that I was not going to sell my electronic rights because I don't LIKE e-books. And then another word struck out at me.

Sell. The book won't be 'mine' anymore.

Wait. What?! This thing I have poured myself into for the last four years. The thing that I have stressed and obsessed over to find the right words. The compilation of all my hopes and loves and fears when I can not find direct words to express them won't be MINE anymore?

There is of course an obvious compensation for this. Money. But I am afraid I am one of those idealists/purists/snobs who doesn't write for money. Not that I don't like money and if one day I can make some for my work and spend less time looking for a day job I will be very pleased indeed but I write because . . . I write. I always have. I always will. It is a way to express myself and partake in something outside of myself and more about the experience of the process than the end result. Money is not enough to compel me to give up ownership of something so close to being a part of my soul.

What is worth it then? I am giving up the say in what happens to something precious to me. What am I gaining? The answer to that is simple and throws all my worries out the window in heartbeat. The chance to share. People will read my story. They might even enjoy it. That is worth it being contaminated by e-book form.

Da da da DA!

And it is here. If only I could get to the bookstore.

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Five Days

Five Days. I broke down yesterday and just finished the excerpt instead of milking chapter by chapter so I now have five days of waiting without solace instead of three.
Ok, I am exaggerating. Even I'm not that obsessed. Probably.
So now I'm not only waiting but waiting IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BOOK. Is it bad that I still get so involved in stories about people that don't actually exist that I can't stand the thought of leaving a character in peril by *gasp of horrors* putting the book down? I mean Sophos was a slave for Eugenides' (referring in this instance to the god of thieves) sake! When will he finally decide to escape? How did he he get to Attolia? Will he ever see Eddis again? Tune in next time . . .
Next time is in five days. Too long. To console myself I will post this book trailer

Not to Dream

Have you ever been stalked by a concept? As in everywhere you turn the same idea is being discussed? (and I don't mean the latest gossip trend or political controversy.) Things that shouldn't have anything to do with each other start linking together in your head and all point to the same concept. It's a bit creepy but also kind of awesome. Like suddenly discovering the theme of your own story. Or at least this week's story.

This week's theme for me seems to be, breaking things down. One step at a time. Only setting goals I can control. Don't give up. patience.

Its not quite as mind blowing as some of the other concepts I've been stalked by. As in its a common theme for blogs and the kind of books I've been reading anyways but its still there. Waiting for me to notice it.

I've heard a lot of people refer to writing as a dream, whether their own writing goals or after I've told them mine but I'm not sure I like that description. Not because of the unreachable connotations of the word. In my sick, cause thirsty mind that would only make it more appealing. But because 'dream' implies perfection. There is way too much pressure involved in making a 'dream come true'. Not only does it sound too big to tackle but it makes you feel like once that goal is reached everything will be perfect so that once you do get that book published (or house built or promotion or vacation) and everything is not perfect you feel let down like you haven't really achieved anything at all.

Thus I think I am against our culture's preoccupation with 'dreams'. I prefer the less fantastical word 'ambition'. Ambition is a word that can be broken down into steps. It is a goal that can be achieved and then passed on for your next ambition without any disappointment.

Maybe I'm thinking too small. Maybe I should opt with the more romantic word, the one full of magic and fairy dust, maybe 'ambition' sucks all the life out my goals, but I think I'm OK with that for the time being. I can do with a little less luster if it means actually getting closer to that end.