Thursday, May 20, 2010

The Old Pages

I write everything in my journal. Well maybe not everything. I gave up on the long accounts of how my day went after High School but my journals are filled cover to cover with To Do Lists, facts I want to remember, notes for research, pieces of dreams I want to do something with, coffee stains, plans for the restaurant I want to some day open, the bookstore I want to own, phone numbers, first drafts of chapters, story outlines, poetry that will never see the light of day, directions to the doctor's office and anything else that my mind is too small to hold but I want to some day remember.
My current journal has only one empty page left. I don't want to write on it.
I carry my journal with me everywhere. When I can't remember something I know it is in those pages if I can take the time to finger through them. As thrilling as the sight of empty pages, yet to be filled, will be after I finally use that last page I know I will feel like I've lost a body part for a few days. I always do. I will reach for my bag to pull out my journal and double check . . . no wait. That was in my old journal, which I left at home, on my bookshelf, collecting dust. Many of the ideas immortalized in there will be discarded after all and I will never think of them again.
Before I fill that last page I must remind myself of the excitement of holding two hundred blank pages in my hand, practically begging me to write whatever I want on them. I must remind myself of the space and freedom new thoughts and new things to remember will give me. I must remind myself that the old can not be relevant unless they teach us where to go with the new.
Still, I think I will miss the old pages.


  1. I could never quite get the hang of journaling. I can't even tell you how many empty ones I have the first three pages written on and then never again.

    Having said that though, I totally get what you mean-- whenever I finish writing a story and move on to another, I get that looming sense of loss, too. It's heavy to carry, but it goes away soon with the anticipation of the new.

  2. Aww, I love my journals too.

    The great thing is when you put one aside for awhile then go back later and read through it again. Always find hidden gems that I forgot I had written.

    Yay for lots of new blank pages! Happy writing. :)